Well, I have blood in my stool again.
That reminds me of something one of my relatives would say at one of our family get-togethers. Some of my relatives, not many, joke about personal tragedy while others just announce it, letting the words float in the still air until the reality of the situation seeps into our minds.
Whenever I write about depressing subjects like blood in my stool, I try to make it funny/entertaining. I’m not writing this stuff so people feel bad for me or anything like that. I’m writing this because you, more than likely, also have something fucked up going on with you. Or you will. Blood in stool. Hand warts. Infection. Fungus. Depression. Etc.
I just quit my job at Whole Foods after working there for six months and, let me tell you, there are some Major Fucks* out there.
*Major Fucks (MFs) are people who majorly fuck up your day by being major fucking assholes. I also refer to these people as Customers.
At 30 years-old, some might think I would be a bit more empathetic toward MFs, but I’m not. There’s no excuse for humans treating other humans so horribly over such petty bullshit.
“You were out of Organic Valley Fat Free Milk again,” complains MF.
“Sorry about that,” apologizes cashier.
“I’ll be taking my business to Trader Joe’s.”
I understand that people have bad days and other issues going on, but guess what, I’m shitting blood right now and I would NEVER treat an employee like that. Sure, there have been times, where I almost lost it on certain employees, but thanks to my extensive background in customer service, I’m more of a minor Fuck than a Major Fuck.
To say that I will always be a mF is too early to tell. The reason I leave the possibility of transformation from mF to MF open is because there are so many MFs in the world and maybe life eventually turns us all into MFs at some point.
Recently, I took a personal vow to NEVER AGAIN work at a grocery store or any other Crappy Low Pay Job (CLPJ). I’m not saying working CLPJs is beneath me, but I’ve worked a lifetime* of CLPJs and it’s time to move on.
*Lifetime of CLPJs listed below:
– Golf Caddy
– Steamer’s Hot Dogs
– Big Lots
– College Cafeteria
– Big Lots (again)
– Binny’s Beverage Depot
– Pizza Trio
– Door to Door Cable TV Salesman (did that for a day)
– Papa John’s
– New York Deli
– Doggy Daycare (another one day job)
– Barraco’s Restaurant
– Rent Here Realty
– Whole Foods
I used to think that maybe I was destined to work CLPJs for the rest of my life and write funny/entertaining stories about MFs, but I don’t want to do that anymore. I want a decent job that pays over $10/hour and reduces that constant urge to cut the heads off these annoying MF’ers.
I don’t understand how people can work a job they don’t like 40+ hours a week. I’m lucky I don’t have a family, because if I had to continue working at Whole Foods to support them, I guarantee I would be that unhappy half-shaved husband/father who silently blames his depressing life on his family.
For the past six months, I have been dying internally. With that personally tragic relative statement said, if there were any positives that came from my grocery store employment, they’d have to be that I made some good friends, maintained my mF status, and realized that working CLPJs is no longer an option. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go use the toilet so I can push out this remaining death that has been inside me in order to move on and get to a point in life where I can take a dump without seeing red.
Concerned reader update: the blood in my stool is gone.
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