Basket Ploppers

A Basket Plopper is a customer who plops his or her grocery basket on the conveyor belt and stands there, staring at the cashier, like an idiot.


I do not claim to be that intelligent, as I do not know many facts that I should probably know. I don’t know the years of major wars, all the state capitals, or anything like that. I have tried to know this sort of information, but it doesn’t seem to take.

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My brain is mostly occupied with the small annoyances in life, such as:

Someone talking too loudly


Someone standing in the middle of a doorway


Someone plopping his or her grocery basket on the conveyor belt and standing there, staring at ME, like an idiot!


I have this internal Annoyance Button that is constantly being pushed whenever I interact with society. I literally can’t go five minutes without pointing out some societal flaw.


Most people seem to have a profound lack of common sense, self-awareness, and respect for others. I believe one must possess all three qualities in order to be a decent human being. Some people believe that kindness and positivity (ugh) alone makes someone a decent human. These people are wrong. Take Basket Ploppers. Sure, most of these people are probably kind and positive, but their lack of common sense, self-awareness, and respect for others makes them complete morons.


To further explain myself I will now dissect the Basket Plop:

First: The Plop

Do this. Have someone plop something in front of your face. Plop food. Plop a book. Plop clothes. Plop anything! The point is: the plop is not a friendly gesture. No one feels good after a plop. Even if someone plopped a sack of cash in front of me, I’d be thinking, Did you really have to plop?

Second: The Stand and Stare

How about instead of standing and staring; try unloading and helping. This is a great opportunity for one to practice teamwork and equality by unloading his or her items from their grocery basket and setting them on the conveyor belt in an effort to assist the cashier. However, thanks to corporate philosophy on customer service, customers are oftentimes encouraged to stand and stare down at us, employees, like kings and queens while we do all the work.

Also, if you want another in-home exercise, do this. Stand and stare at your significant other while he or she cleans the toilet and see how they react. 

Third: The Empty Basket

Empty baskets are typically set near the front, or rear, of each register lane. If you do not see a designated empty basket area, feel free to ask the cashier or return the empty basket to its original location. Leaving the empty basket on the conveyor belt for the cashier to deal with is not appreciated. If you haven’t noticed, the cashier area is very small. There are no secret empty basket compartments back there. There is barely enough room to stand. People who do not understand these concepts should not be running loose in society. In fact, they should live out the remainder of their lives in giant steel grocery baskets. 


If I possessed common sense and self-awareness but had ZERO respect for others, I would probably be a serial killer, and if I got caught, I would live in a steel cage like this:


Or possibly put in a chair like this:


Or maybe, if I’m lucky, given an injection like this:


What I’m trying to say is that when people lack one, two, or all three qualities (common sense, self-awareness, and respect for others), they push my internal Annoyance Button over and over again. I am just as frustrated with Basket Ploppers as I am Murderers and Loud Talkers and Doorway Blockers and Big Hat Wearers and 2-Lane Car Parkers and Loud Babies and everyone else in this world that seems to lack total comprehension when it comes to life.


I don’t necessarily know why these small annoyances tend to occupy my brain just as other people probably don’t know why they can remember the years of major wars and state capitals and other factual information that deems them intelligent. The only intelligence I seem to have is an awareness and ability to explain why certain behaviors (like Basket Plopping) tend to drive me insane.


When it comes down to it, Basket Ploppers continue to infect society. Eradicating this terrible phenomenon takes more than kindness and positivity. Individuals must also possess common sense, self-awareness, and respect for others. In addition, corporations must stop saying things like, “The Customer is Always Right.”

CAN a world without Basket Ploppers exist?


WILL a world without Basket Ploppers exist?

Highly unlikely.


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2 Comments Basket Ploppers

  1. AvatarTraci

    Hi Jason!! I’m catching up with all the posts I missed and HAD to comment on this one. I used to be a cashier at a couple of places, and I agree that Basket Ploppers are THE WORST. The WORST. Maybe it’s really not that big of a deal in the grand scope of things, but shit! It comes across as such a disrespectful gesture.

    1. jlsarnajlsarna

      Haha, yeah, they are horrible! I hated them so much. Some brave cashiers would tell the customers to take the items out of the basket and place the basket underneath. I was never this brave.


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