Exhibit A: Large McDonald’s Fries
Photo taken on January 18, 2014 @ 11:17 pm
Exhibit B: Large McDonald’s Fries
Photo taken on March 1, 2014 @ 11:15 pm
Exhibit C: Small/Medium McDonald’s Fries
Photo pulled from mcdonalds.com on June 30, 2014
You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to see there is something drastically wrong with Exhibits A and B when compared to Exhibit C.
In Exhibit C, the fries are standing high and bursting out of their container. In Exhibits A and B, the fries are cowering low and hiding in their container.
Before we delve any deeper into this fry situation, I want you to know that I did NOT (in any way, shape, or form) tamper with either Exhibits A or B prior to taking the photos. Furthermore, at no point during my drive home did I do any snacking, which would have made the possibility of achieving an Exhibit C fry level simply impossible. I should also mention that NEITHER Exhibits A or B were the result of any spillage as the amount of Bag Fries* was slim to none.
*Bag Fries: Fries that fall out of their container and spill into the bag.
Bag Fries are known to cause fights among hungry teens.
Typically, I’m a medium Fry Guy*.
*Fry Guy: Guy who likes fries. Not the greatest title. Athletic Guy. Smart Guy. Fry Guy. You see?
Anyway, it figures that when I betray my not too small, not too big, average medium fry and drop the extra 20 cents for a large fry, situations similar to Exhibits A and B occur.
Most people would probably let this minor monetary loss / low fry level go but I, for whatever reason, could not and had to take photos of my fries for my own personal records.
My original plan involved emailing McDonald’s the Exhibit A photo the following morning (January 19, 2014) in hopes of gaining some sort of fry restitution, but when I woke up, my anger had subsided and all that was left was the sad realization that I took photos of fries last night.
For the next month or so, I was back to ordering medium fries. I was happy as many of the medium fries resembled an Exhibit C.
However, on March 1, 2014, I got the urge to order a large fry.
“Don’t do it!” I told myself while pulling into the McDonald’s drive-thru.
“I’m so hungry.”
“Think about what happened last time!”
“Welcome to McDonald’s what can I get you?” voiced the intercom.
“Hi,” I said, staring at the menu. “I’ll have two McDoubles and a me…me…me…LARGE fry.”
When I got back to my apartment, I noticed that my large fries were not only cowering/hiding BUT cowering/hiding even MORE than the first time.
(i.e. Exhibit A)
I immediately snapped another photo.
(i.e. Exhibit B)
At this point, I would like to address all the Bag Inspectors* out there.
*Bag Inspectors: People who inspect the inside of the bag to make sure all the food is there before pulling out of the drive-thru.
Typically, I am a Bag Inspector. A very strict one I might add. Not only do I inspect the food, but I ALSO inspect the amount of ketchup packets and napkins.
I think what happened was during my inspection of the bag containing the Exhibit A fries, I only saw the BACK of the fry container and did not think to flip the container over to the FRONT.
As you can see from the illustration above, the truth of the situation is always in the front. Never in the back.
When it came to my Exhibit B fries, I did NOT inspect the bag because I was afraid to face the truth, because if the truth looked anything like Exhibit A, I would have lost it.
And losing it would have led to this:
Which would have led to this:
Good thing I waited until I returned home to face the truth because spending the rest of my life in prison for melting a McDonald’s employee’s face off in the fryer, would not be fun.
There’s also the possibility that Exhibits A and B weren’t even due to employee error. Most low-wage employees have to follow the most ridiculous rules/policies in order to keep their jobs. Ever hear of the Ketchup Conspiracy?
To reduce ketchup costs, employees are only allowed to give out TWO ketchup packets per order.
SIDE NOTE: The ONLY time an employee can give out more than TWO ketchup packets per order is if the CUSTOMER specifically requests more packets.
Anyway, if the customer does NOT request more ketchup and the employee gives out more than two packets, the number of additional packets given is tallied up on a chalkboard in the manager’s office and deducted from the employee’s paycheck.
Emily (a fast food employee)…
…drops THREE ketchup packets in a to-go bag instead of TWO.
The manager sees this…
…and marks a dash under Emily’s name on the office chalkboard.
Now, if there’s a Ketchup Conspiracy, I wouldn’t doubt if there’s a Fry Conspiracy. What that conspiracy entails, I’m not sure. If I were to guess I would say McDonald’s is forcing their employees to intentionally give out Exhibits A and B whenever customers order a LARGE fry; thus, reducing fry costs and increasing profits 20 cents at a time.
Whatever the conspiracy/case may be, on January 18 and March 1, 2014, my Large McDonald’s fries were not anywhere near an Exhibit C.
Reminder: This was without tampering, snacking, and/or spilling.
In my opinion, Exhibits Cs are only achievable when it comes to small and medium fries. So if you, for whatever reason, decide to go big (or biggie) in the fry department, I offer you the following word of advice:
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